a wallet that will never be stolen from your purse
that’s fucking brilliant
how, by putting a dollar in gift wrap?
i don’t get it
it’s not gift wrap
then what is it?
i need to read these on the daily
These offend some people but I think they’re great.
Can I just print these out and post them all around school?
when i find myself in times of trouble
the 12th doctor comes to me
speaking words of wisdom
do you ever think about how little Michelangelo cared
All right, everyone, grab a chair and sit back because I’m going to share with you what I learned about Michelangelo and the Sistine Chapel in my Art History Class.
The man NEVER wanted to paint the damn thing. But the pope at the time “forced him to” According to my teacher. Michelangelo hated this man, I MEAN REALLY HATED HIM. So did a majority of people. The pope’s nickname translated literally means “Terrible pope”.
And the working conditions were awful. He had to work on his back with all that paint, which is filled with some toxic shit that gave Michelangelo a limp for the rest of his life.
(Also, our teacher made us get on our backs and try drawing with both hands JUST to prove how bad and uncomfortable it is.)
At the time, the ceiling was so high, you could barely see it. You need binoculars to get a good look at what’s up there, by the time people could see the paintings, there was a lot of weird symbolism that Michelangelo hid up there.
This one? The creation of the sun and moon? God is mooning you. And the pope and all others after him prayed under that without knowing.
This one? At the time, dissecting was sacrilegious and everyone found out how behind God was what looked like half a brain. blah blah, science, science, that pissed everyone off.
And also, ALLLLLLL the men and women in the Sistine Chapel are all on fucking steroids. My teacher described the women’s bodies as "Men bodies with boobs slapped on."
And then there is this:
Now this is the back wall. Michelangelo actually wanted to paint this one after he finished the ceiling. (and there was a different pope too, I believe.) However, originally, EVERYONE in that painting was naked. And they didn’t like it. Adam and Eve naked? That’s cool. But Jesus? Now you crossed the line. So the pope at the time hired someone else to censor it and give the important figures clothes. He worked on it for 6 or 9 months before he died.
And then the symbolism in this one is great. Somewhere in the right, there are homosexuals in heaven. (No matter what, the Vatican will say “Those straight men are happy” I’ll get to that in a second), Michelangelo painted himself near Jesus, and the terrible pope is in hell with a snake biting his balls.
And if you were to point ANY of this out to the Vatican, they will deny all of it and claim Michelangelo was a catholic hero. In fact, when they discovered the symbolism around the 60s or 70s, the guy who told the Vatican was kicked out of the Vatican for life.
TL;DR: Michelangelo hated the pope and made the best “fuck you” of all time.
art students before a final is due
Oh my god
They’re doomed if that’s their idea of a circle
AND FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER IN CINEMA HISTORY AN AMERICAN MADE MOVIE SWAPS FANATICAL PATRIOTISM FOR BASIC HUMAN DECENCY EVEN THOUGH THE MOVIE ITSELF IS CALLED CAPTAIN AMERICA AND IT DOESN’T GET ANY MORE PATRIOTIC THAN THAT BUT MARVEL CHOSE A DIFFERENT PATH AND I’M THANKFUL FOR THAT pardon my capslock
and in a fantastic plot twist, the answer was not to nuke the enemy
Had a dream just now that Macklemore was named TIME magazine’s Most Muggable Musician and he showed up at an interview to accept the award and they mugged him
What’s the point of mugging someone who only has $20 in their pocket
GUESS WHO’S GOT A DATE THIS FRIDAY
well not me but someone out there probably. you go pal.